Enjoy these days. It doesn't get any better.

It turns out the old ladies were right but maybe they could say it differently.

Right around one year ago I wrote my first Randy’s Rabbit Ranch blog post. One of my earlier posts was called “What not to say to the parents of the kid crying at the grocery store.” I’ve got a confession to make about that post. I was wrong about something. Or at least I’ve changed my mind to some degree. One of the points I made was how discouraged I feel when a parent of much older children steps up to say “enjoy these moments, this is as good as it gets.” My frustration is that this comment neglects to make the parent of the crying child (usually me) feel seen for the difficulty that the moment presents.

Here’s what’s changed. I now think we’re both right. I do feel like it’s important to see the parents around us and acknowledge the struggle. The freaking real struggle that is right now. YET, paradoxically true is that we will look back at these days and remember mostly the sweet moments. These are the days we will somehow wish we could get back to.

There was a season that lasted about 2 years I would say where the hour before dinner starting at around 4:30pm until dinner was on the table where the kids were just wild, the house was a mess from the activities of the day and no one wanted to listen that I just hated. Literally every day I would think, “this is my life, I hate this.” That was real. But also that’s not my life anymore and looking back it doesn’t seem like it was that bad.

It’s also true that my body will probably never be much more able than it is right now to enjoy the things of life. My kids are unlikely to want me around as much in the future as they do right now.

I came to this realization as I’ve been reading and meditating in recent months on the book Sacred Fire by Ronald Rolheiser. I can’t recommend it enough. In the book he breaks down your life into three phases. (1) The struggle to get your life together. (2) The struggle to give your life away and (3) the struggle to give your death away. The parenting journey is firmly planted in #2. It’s a struggle to give your life away to good and important work, to a community, and to your family but there are certain seasons in life that it’s common to also wish you could return but only after they are gone.

It occurs to me that I have something profound to learn from the recurring theme of the older generation telling me the thing I don’t want to hear. “This is as good as it gets.” It is actually what they wish they knew when they were in my shoes. Here’s what I think they’re trying to say and frankly the way I wish the old lady in the grocery was aware enough to say it:

Slow down. Try to enjoy it this season of life. It feels really hard now and probably doesn’t feel this way but I wish I enjoyed my kids more. Now they’re gone or just different and I didn’t know I would think this but I wish I could go back to take it all in again.